I slacked a bit on this weeks dispatch due to ongoing chronic pain flares and trying to get into better habits in my personal and professional life better. I had an epiphany -- in the past six years, I’ve barely taken any time off outside of days for medical stuff like surgeries, injuries, procedures, and the time I took off when I moved from Philly and even then was less than a week.
This means that in the past six years I’ve probably taken a cumulative dozen days off and I work over the weekends. And I wonder why my disabilities have gotten so much worse and my AuDHD sensory stuff being a mess?? The average 9-5 human at least gets 104 weekend days off a year to put it in perspective.
I’ve been killing my self to keep the business running and I know that is going to have to change drastically this year. The first major change was taking a step back from being at the physical shop -- you can still find candles, perfumes, and other dark arts stuff of mine in stock.
There's something to be said for reaching a professional goal and having your body failing and taking it away as I realize more and more that I am so used to pushing through the pain that I am not always aware I am in pain until it hits that 5-6 level and then I have to do something about it and I don't have a choice in the matter. It took me getting mad at my fiancee for having the audacity to take something for the pain and take a nap when he is in pain. We both have chronic pain and joint issues. I understand this. What I didn't understand was that I was not feeling angry. I was jealous that when he is in pain he takes his meds and rests a bit. I was jealous because I am so used to pushing through the pain because I have no other choice...
That was my rock bottom in pain management and the signal that things have to change for the sake of my health. There will obviously be many upcoming changes to my work life balance as far as how the business is running. I am spending some time restructuring around what I can and cannot do anymore.
- Jennifer